I don’t know what’s happening to me. I hate everything yet I’m always content. I want to die yet have so many reasons to live. I know I’m capable, just unmotivated. I think I just don’t feel anything anymore but I know I do because I feel sadness and excitement everyday that the day of my departure gets closer. I like to think I’m numb but being alone makes me so emotional, even if I’m surrounded by family. Though I think that’s what makes me feel my loneliest and most sad. The fact that even amongst my own flesh and blood, I am an outsider.